january is almost over and i have no idea where it went!! it went by so fast! but so far 2007 has been amazing!! i'm back at butler and i am so so so so so thankful! my best friend (kim, duh!) is here with me and i LOVE it!! my sister and i are so freaking closer than we have ever been, and it's amazing!

i can already tell that this is going to be a big year for me! for one, this is my last semester in headliners. yes yes it is extremely sad. but it does have to happen. and i know that headliners is probably the best thing that has happened to me. i have learned so so much from it and i have met so many life long friends. i also found myself. i found who i really am and i am so happy to be the person i am today! i will miss all of you next year.

also this year, i plan on finding my mom. i have always toyed with the idea, but i was never ready. i am ready to meet her. i want to find out where i came from. even if it doesn't turn out like what happened to my sister, i still want to know. i just can't tell my mom because the last time i brought that up, she thought i didn't want to be her daughter anymore, so yeah keeping this from my mom is going to be real fun!

i also have this big medical thing wrong with me, and it's pretty scary so i have to deal with that this year. a lot of doctors visits and i hate doctors!

but seriously, this is going to be a great year! theres work week coming up in may, my sister and my aunt and uncle and a bunch of my family that doesn't get to see me sing and stuff are coming to the camp show in july.... and just a bunch of good stuff is happening... oh and dana and brandon come next weekend to visit kim and i!! woo hoo! so yeah rock and roll!!

have a great year!!

Currently Listening Golden Road By Keith Urban blue jeans see related

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Currently Watching Grey's Anatomy - Season Two By Ellen Pompeo, Sandra Oh, Katherine Heigl, Justin Chambers, T.R. Knight, Chandra Wilson, James Pickens Jr., Kate Walsh, Isaiah Washington, Patrick Dempsey see related

ooh DADDY!!

BREAKTHROUGH!!!!

i did my own hair tonight for the headliners for the first time IN MY LIFE!! megan would be proud... and emily and laura would too... actually that whole house down there in emporia would be proud. next i have to learn to do my makeup by myself, but at least i did my hair!!!!!!!

i'm excited. be excited for me!!

have a wonderful day!

love always,

katy

Currently Listening How to Save a Life By The Fray see related

hmmm....

I need help. I have never felt this low before. Many of you know me! I am a very happy positive person that squeeks a lot and I love the person I am! But lately I have no idea who I am. I know I need to give it all up to God, but that's easier said than done... So here are a few things that are going through my head… and please comment… I need help!

Girls are stupid. I'm always saying that boys are the stupid ones… but I really think the girls are the ones to blame. We are so emotional. We blow things way out of proportion. We think we are always right and think we need to have everything our way.  I hate it because I'm that girl. I'm super sensitive and little things that are said can make me crumble. Lately I have just been a crumpled up piece of paper thrown in a corner because what was written on it wasn't good enough.  I can't help it.  You've got to give me some time. It takes us girls' time to deal with things. Time to get things off our plate.

I know I'm a dork but Izzy says it well on grey's anatomy. She is standing outside the hospital after Denny, her fiancé, dies, trying to go inside and she says:

"I hate the bride thing. I hate the pictures in the magazines with the girl in the veil with the flowers that she's sniffing like it never occurred to her to stick her nose in it until there was a camera pointed at her. I hate the idea of bride's maids, and the colors. I never wanted to be that girl. That girl was stupid. Shallow. Why the hell is that girls thoughts running through my head? I'm going to do it. I'm going to I just want to make sure when I am standing in front of him, I'm not thinking of my wedding dress…… And that's going to take another minute."

Women need that extra minute. We deal with pain in the weirdest ways. Some of us clean. Some of us bake or cook. Some listen to music or watch a movie. Some of us just sit and cry.  Pain is there for a reason and people do a lot of stuff they don't need to do. Why do we do this?  I don't know. We just do and there is nothing we can do to fix it.

both sexes spend their lives trying to figure each other out when we can't even figure ourselves out. Why do we waste our time when we know that each and every person has something to figure out? Its not just "understanding men" or "understanding women" its understanding that person and once that person changes, you have to figure it out all over again with the next person that comes along. You following? I hope so my mind is going like a mile a minute.

As humans we work with pleasure. We don't do things unless it pleases us. Why am I a music major? Because it pleases me.  And there is only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomach ache. Too much pleasure hurts. Like ice-cream. I love ice cream. It's good. I could eat it all day, but if I eat it all day I get a tummy ache… aye yi yi this is a lot!!

And I think I'm beginning to think that love doesn't exist. This is coming from a girl who used to believe that  her prince charming was going to rid up to her doorstep on a black stallion and sweep her off of her feet and carry her away and marry her because she was so beautiful. Love doesn't exist. Only in movies.

Well I think I'm done. I'm going to end this with song lyrics like a true girl then I'm going to quote grey's anatomy. Well maybe the quot first… This quote came at the perfect time so enjoy! And remember Maybe some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams.

And please comment. I need to know if anyone else agrees or if anyone can help. I've never felt this low before. I want to be happy again, but I don't know how.

"Does it hurt?" Alex

"Yeah" Izzy

"Where?" Alex

"Everywhere" Izzy

"Maybe it hurts for a reason" Alex

How to save a life: the fray…

seriously! grow up!

ok so this has really been on my mind lately. i'm tired of being looked at like i'm retarded. sure, i have my moments, but who doesn't. i am a very smart girl and i don't deserve to be treated like an idiot. i have been trying SO hard this year to be the person i am supposed to be and it is so hard when everything i do is criticized.

also, i am sick and tired of people takling to me with disrespect. especially guys. especially HEADLINER guys. headliner guys are supposed to be gentlemen. seriously. take that into consideration. people have made fun of the way i laugh, the way i cry, the way i sneeze, the way i talk...i'm sorry  but i'm just being myself.

not only does this make me mad, it makes me want to cry. in fact i have cried about it. multiple times. many of you probably think i'm just sensitive, but who cares i am, and if you don't like me for it, fine! whatever, have it your way! don't mess up my day because you are having a crappy one! and if you know that you have hurt my feelings, the least you can do is apologize!

i talked to shelley a lot this summer and learned a lot about myself. i let people push me aroud before. i don't know why, but i did.  i learned not to do that because the more you do, the more people look down on you. i grew up a LOT this summer.

and i'm tired of waiting around for that special someone! i have waited long enough. seriously. i feel lonely. i don't even like anyone right now. and that is the loneliest feeling in the world. i feel like there is no one out there for me and that i am meant to be alone.. i feel alone... thats sad.

hope you all have a wonderful day,

love always,

katy